Happy. Second pregnancy, happy times. Building hopes and dreams of  baby.  Did I drink too much coffee at the time? I think I remember picking up a pot-plant. I started to bleed after that. Maybe the pot plant was too heavy. I’m so sorry that I picked up that Pot Plant as what happened was I started to bleed, I couldn’t stop it. I was getting ready for a local market. I was trying to look for a reason that this happened. Its’s ok to cry.

I rang the hospital and they said I was probably having a miscarriage. I remember a great pain  in my uterus, my cervix was opening to let the sac fall out. The body will discard what it does not need. It’s Darwin’s Law. I went to the toilet and my baby fell out or the sac of tissue that  was the start of something new. I was very distressed and this happenned at the same time that my much loved grandmother died, Oh dear!

I remember feeling worthless/like a piece of rubbish/ I was very hard on myself. I must be a bad mother. My loss engulfed me. Anger and negativity. The hormones of a lost pregnancy and  the rebalancing of my hormones. Very tired. Depression.

I vented my grief/anger at my husband who was going through his own grief about the situation.  Where to go to debrief about miscarriage. I did talk about it some people dearest to me that  did not believe me. Which hurt allot!

I wanted to scream at the world but it fell on deaf ears. I did have some people to talk to who listened. If this happens to you. Take care of yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Find an association of women where you can share experiences safely. The grief/emotions are hard to deal with. If you feel you are getting depressed, please talk to someone. Be with someone who supports you and know that you are not alone.

POSSIBILITIES OF WHAT TO DO:

1. Call Lifeline
2. Call SANDS 1300 0 72637
3. Get information of miscarriage support services from your local hospital
4. Research for local support groups at your Local council
5. Research Bub Hub/Internet for local agencies
6. Garden
7. Do something loving for yourself