24. #AutisticMeltdown, 2014

Another mother thinks Stephen needs help while we are on our walk at Morialta Falls and intensive support at school. “Thanks for sharing your opinion! Grrr!) I’m annoyed and upset, I was angry and I wanted to the person where to go,  but I can’t be rude!!! Maybe, I should get some guts!! And I should be. I have got to stay positive.  I am already defeated. But in the end I’m pathetically thankful because she helped me investigate how to afford the financial help I’m going to need for therapists. The idea of the paperwork associated with Disability/Learning Difficulty services/getting the help was something I did not look forward to. I don’t believe how hard life can be at times! I feel that this is unfair. I want to so much stick up for myself and my son. I feel defeated!

The prospect of Stephen’s Autism diagnosis scared me when I was dealing with health issues where my own mother (Nanna) nearly died of a pulmonary embolism in the aortic valve of her heart. My own father  (Grandpa) arriving  on my front doorstep in July 2014 literally with Renal Cell Carcinoma Stage 4 and no supports in place. I went into complete overdrive to get them supports. I used my social work nous. So the grandparents got attended to with appropriate housing found. So  thankfully the grand parents are fine and kicking on!

I wanted to believe that everything was fine with Stephen! I wanted to support and love and be proud of my son! My husband says, “In the grand scheme of things …. yadayadayada…!” I wanted the happy moments of mummyhood! I chose to believe Stephen did not have Autism because as previously stated in the post of 2013, where the therapist (referral from  the Dr) said Stephen did not fit the criteria for Autism. The teacher at school waving her red flag! I can’t stick my head in the sand! By 2014 he had developed enough noticeable quirks to fit the diagnosis of Autism. Quite a few different opinions about what is up with Stephen from family, extended family, therapists, and members of the public. I was trying to find answers. They did not help. Go with my gut as this is my child.

This morning the schedule is Stephen is to go for a walk  at Morialta Falls, and its a very cold morning. He has done it heaps of times before and he is used to it, so why should anything be different! (He is used to doing it with his family and not in a group context!) Did I understand this before he went on the outing! NO!

Another over the top behavior: Stephen  screaming/crying because of his cold hands or maybe it is because he thought his hands were turning blue. Is this Alice in wonderland movie? I can’t ignore it! “Rub your hands together my love!”, but he would not. I show him how to do it! I rub his hands for him and cover his hands with his sleeves by pulling them down.

He could not understand that he would create warmth in his hands by doing so. He was lost to his meltdown. He would not even try! I was annoyed! I can’t ignore the magnificent exhibition of behavior and something must be done, some calming strategies. My Yoga upbringing all out of my head.

Should I take him from the group. Should I just let him be miserable on this walk and alone/suffering and is taking him from the group going to set up an expectation that if he gets upset like this he will do it every time he wants to exit a situation. This is not a good day! I want to rewind. Should I just say, “That’s enough!” and take him home? Everyone in the group, on the walk avoiding him because they did not know how to deal with it. Another mother offering some help. I felt so alone. “What is wrong Stephen!? I am feeling like a completely incompetent mother because I, as his mother, can’t contain his meltdown. I have an Aquired Brain injury and am feeling very incompetent because of my history. What to do? I took him home in the end.

Written and Authorised by  Jane Muras, 4 Henry st, Hectorville, SA 5073 Candidate  for Hectorville Ward CCC 2018

 

 

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