21. “Why!”, “Why!”, “Why Diabetes 2!”

I don’t get why life has to be so hard sometimes. Why Diabetes 2. Is not life hard enough. How will I tell my 2 sons? They will not even know what that means. I don’t even know what that means. I am reading about the phenomena. We try to raise these boys as best we can. I try to keep things as normal and stable as possible. It’s another curve ball thrown at us by our friend called  “Getting on!”. We have to accept this and work with this. I must be gentle. No point in getting stressed about this! Just exercise, and right food, lose weight, follow Dr’s orders.

My husband has not been feeling well. He has been feeling tired, he says. My husband doesn’t believe in particular diets. “You are going to have to do what you don’t like and watch it!”, I say. He hates me telling him what to do. “It’s my life!” he says. “you can’t tell me what to do!” he says. Now I know where my son’s are getting this saying from.

It’s the weekend now and a few days since finding out the diagnosis. When I first found out I was at a loss for words. I felt that I was to be left, alone,  by my husband to raise these children by myself. I must not catastrophize the situation! Things will go on. We will survive.

I felt as though we should move to a new house that  my husband had been talking about for a long time. A cleaner lifestyle would that get rid of  the Diabetes 2?  I shall massage him and take care of his health. I shall make sure he eats the right food and exercise everyday to get his weight down. He literally must exercise for his life! How did his weight creep up like that? How in the hell did this happen. We were so careful. Is it genetic? He has six children. He has 3 biological children from a previous marriage and our 2 beautiful boys through our union. He has 4 biological grandchildren. Does Diabetes 2 run in families?

I have a social Work Degree and working on a Remedial Massage Diploma.  I shall begin a nursing diploma. It seems that will be the smart thing to do. But time seems to vanish too quickly. There is too much to do! Doing research on the internet to find out as much as possible about how to take care of a person with diabetes 2.

I remember my grandmother, Ivy Ada Black having Diabetes 2! She didn’t even know she had Diabetes. She argued with the Dr that she could not have Diabetes 2 and that the Dr didn’t know what he was talking about. The Dr simply said, Ivy “a blood glucose level over 6 and heading towards 8 is heading in the Diabetes 2 or Diabetes 1 direction.” My grandmother didn’t like the bruises that the needle insertion points left on her skin. My grandmother was a wonderful lady. And such a strong woman and totally “there”, for her children and grandchildren.  She died 2005.

I don’t have good memories of Diabetes 2. The most aweful memory was that she wouldn’t let us touch her. The staphacoeccal infection something no one knew much about,  that she would not let us touch her and the fear of it was emotionally heartbreaking. Touch is what people live for and it is how we are conncted. The only way we could touch her was to put a pieace of clothing on our skin to hug her. I must not make unrealistic connections of thought between my Nan’s experience and this one. We are aware now we know.

I remember my mother looking after my grandmother and becoming her full time carer. I remember my  grandmother being in the hospital and I taking my baby son, Stephen, into see her and then taking Stephen away again because her room in hospital was sealed and you had to wear plastic sheet and gloves for protection of yourself and my grandmother. Neither of us wanting an exchange of bugs/bacteria.

Nanna got an ulcer, which weeped all the time. Her skin on her body worn out. Staphylococcal infections in her ulcer prohibiting the healing needed to and it kept weeping at the Ulcerous site. It was aweful. I took my son once to see, her he was only 2 or 3 yrs. We were chatting and a pool of liquid oozed out of her leg and we did not notice. Oozing onto the floor around my sons feet, thank goodness he had shoes on! She must of lost so much liquid as our bodies are %60 water. Her skin was aged and tends to thin when in the older years and loses flexibility so is more susceptible to skin tears.Wow! that was such a hard time. What can you say that means anything! I love you Nan. I love you Darling, take care of yourself.